I silently shot up the stairs
slipping around a corner out of the slithering serpent’s sight. One glimpse and
the gluttonous gargoyle would gobble me up like a gerbil. Every crack, every
crevice is crammed with unbelievable creations, all chasing, clawing, creeping.
No stopping. Stop. Silence .Heavy dark wooden doors that seem to stretch high
above my head stand in my way. Why must those sturdy doors stand in my way, I
have come so close and have once again been turned away. I hear a demon
cackling near and I carefully blend into the shadows. Without sound I reach for
a solid stone and silently await the beasts arrival, I am too quiet for any
demon to hear. The abomination turns the corner wielding a wicked beam of fire.
I lunge. So silently it never hears my swift motion. It rears its ugly head,
but it is already too late it collapses in a heap as I leap over its vile
carcass continuing my desperate search. Now hellhounds have joined the
nightmarish chase snarling and snapping, sniffing and seeking. I love dogs, I
had a very nice one until they dragged me away in the night, but not these
dogs, no not these, they are the very embodiment of evil. I want to go home it
has been so long, so very long since I slept in a soft bed, a nice warm, soft,
comfortable bed.
How foolish, to fall asleep in such
a situation, it is almost comical. Yes very comical indeed. What an absolute
imbecile I am, to fall asleep when my very soul is at stake. The urge to laugh
is overwhelming, almost unbearable. But I will not, cannot make a single sound.
Silence is salvation. That is very good indeed, rolls off the tongue quite
nicely, silence is salvation (Note to self silence=salvation,
salvation=freedom, silence=freedom.) What a wonderful equation. A yes, back to
the task at hand, escape! Fire escape, they always said I would never be a
firefighter, and yet here I am fighting fire in the bowels of hell. Who’s
laughing now? (No laughing, remember?) Right, silence is freedom and all that. Now
to find the damn exit. Exit. Yes leaving would be nice now wouldn’t it? HA! How
foolish of me there it is! Those bright glowing lights should have been a dead
giveaway. I guess the fumes must be getting to me. I quietly, silently make my
way to the door. A wave of sheer joy overwhelmed me as I opened the iron door
and freed myself from the hellish prison. Suddenly a banshee shrieked nearly
splitting my eardrums in half with its bloodcurdling scream. I sprinted faster
than I thought humanly possible only catching a glimpse of a sign before diving
into the shroud of the woods, disappearing forever. How clever, the devil
hiding his fiery prison in an insane asylum.
I like how the first few sentences have a specific letter that is repeated over and over again. The catch at the end of the story is nicely made but its hard to find where the mental defenses come into play.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you began the story right in the action. It gained my attention and definitely kept me reading. I also thought the similes you used were great and helped create imagery. One thing you could maybe fix would be the notes to self in the parentheses. I was kind of confused as to what they were when I came across them. Overall, your story kept me reading and was very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteInteresting story. I liked how you showed what the character thinking. It really allowed me to see what the character was like. I’m having trouble distinguishing the defense mechanism, but it’s still a good story.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it! The guy is definitely a prisoner of his own mind. What seems real isn't. What is real has exceptions. And the pace?!?!?! The pace is awesome! I get that the stuff in parenthesis is a technique to convey his attempt at logical psychosis. i get that the logic is completely illogical, and I love the writing of it! Nice job!
ReplyDeleteAlso, love the devil in the woods motif and the Poe-esque mentality! You have a great way of capturing an idea and a persona...keep it up!
:)